FAT GUY = NO

FAT GUY plus CANE = YES

ELDERLY VETERAN = YES

ELDERLY NAZI VETERAN = NO!

LADY plus BABY = YES

BABY = NO?

50 BABIES = YES!

OLD LADY plus BAGS = YES

IMMIGRANT plus LUGGAGE = YES

OLD LADY IMMIGRANT plus EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE = NO

WIDE-EYED TOURISTS = YES

WIDE-EYED TEXANS = NO

WIDE-EYED CYCLOPS = AHH! A F*CKING CYCLOPS! (YES)

REAL COP = YES

LADY COP = NO

LADY COP plus GUN = STILL NO 

LADY COP plus GUN plus BABY = YES

LADY COP plus GUN plus NAZI BABY = HELL NO!

BUSINESSMAN plus CELL PHONE = NO

BUSINESSMAN plus DESKTOP COMPUTER plus PRINTER = YES (SUBMIT RESUME)

BUSINESSMAN plus NON-CELLULAR PORTABLE PHONE = NO (BUT GIVE DOLLAR)

ANYONE WHO I THINK COULD PROBABLY KICK MY ASS = YES *

* does not apply if I’m wasted